Just keep swimming...

I have had several questions lately about our adoption.  Although I a grateful that people are excited for us and care about us, it is a double edged sword some days.  I love the idea of adoption and I know in my head that it is exactly what we need to do and where we need to be right now.  It's just convincing my heart that it is worth waiting for some days.  I know I sound like a whiny little girl right now - actually that was my Halloween costume - complete with the pigtails on either side of my head. Oh dear... maybe it stuck!
It seems that everyone that I know is pregnant currently.  I know that cannot possibly be true, but my mind seems to go there some days.  I also know that some of my friends that really are the ones who are pregnant have been through their own struggles in their journey.  I just seems that it is the easier way to go.  Before you get all grumpy with me, as someone who has never been and will most likely never be pregnant, just hear me out.  From my limited understanding of pregnancy, there are physical signs that you are expecting.

• You get sick - that does not sound like a highlight to me!   
• Your "baby bump" starts showing  - that would be kinda weird and kinda cool at the same time.
• You get comments from strangers asking about your little one - that would be encouraging most days.
• You get patted on the bump by strangers - that would be annoying and an invasion of my personal space.
• You feel the movements of the little one as they grow and try to expand - that would be amazing.
• You have doctor's appointments with ultrasounds that show the life inside of you - that would be amazing as well.
• You feel little one kicking against your ribs - that would hurt, but still be a reminder of the little one inside you.
• You have a limited amount of time (9 months) to expect the wait to last - that would be a blessing.  

Now consider my situation.

• The only reason I am sick is that my students green runny noses gave me a sinus infection.
• My "bump" is shrinking since I joined Weight Watchers and I feel great.
• I get questions about the process, but most people don't say anything.  Some days that is actually a good thing.  
• I don't get patted on the tummy - that is fine by me.  :)
• I don't feel anything moving inside of me to remind me that someone is growing and changing.
• I go to the doctor to get antibiotics, a new glasses prescription, and a flu shot.  Not quite the same.
• I don't get kicked from the inside.  That is a plus.  :)  However, I don't have a reminder that someone is changing and growing literally right under my nose.
• I have been waiting since April.  That is only 6 months, but I'm not really keeping track ;)

So basically, I have no "proof" that anything is happening and it is driving me a little crazy.  I know that there is a baby out there who needs me and that we need.  I know there is a plan, but this waiting with no reminders really stinks.

I really need to remember Dory's line in Finding Nemo  "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming,"

However, I do feel the need to change it a little.  "Just keep trusting, Just keep hoping, Just keep praying, dreaming, waiting."