This was actually an essay contest that I entered where I had to answer this question about color. They choose winners on November 1st as a celebration of National Adoption Month. I'm hoping to win something, but even if I don't it was fun to write anyway. :0) I also figured out how to add a follow with email button on the right side, so feel free to add your email address if you want to know when I update. I was hoping to post more often, but then school started. I think I'm out of the daze that it adds to life for the first few weeks. Anyway, here's my answer to the question about color in adoption. Enjoy!
Does color
matter in my adoption process?
I
was reading a poem at school the other day with my students that had an
interesting take on color.
Colors
My skin is a sort of brownish
Pinkish yellowish white.
My eyes are greyish blueish green,
But I’m told they look orange in the night.
My hair is reddish blondish brown,
But silver when it’s wet.
And all the colors I am inside
Have not been invented yet.
~ Shel
Silverstein
Where the Sidewalk Ends, 1974
As
an elementary teacher, I have always enjoyed Shel Silverstien’s poetry because
usually his poems are hilarious, and the kids love it when they know we are
going to read something of his. I was
not familiar with this one, but I immediately connected to the idea that “all
the colors I am inside/Have not been invented yet.” I believe that every child is unique and
important and filled with colors the world has not yet experienced the beauty
of yet.
So
does color matter in adoption? I think
that you can look at that question in two different ways. From my perspective as an adoptive parent, I
will love my child no matter their color – white, brown, black, or blue! Although adopting a Smurf could be a little
tricky.
Some
of my friends have adopted children from different countries, and their
children have a different skin tone than they do. The parents have been asked strange
and sometimes rude questions from usually well-meaning people. Since the
difference in skin color is usually obvious and the first thing people see, I
suppose those questions are to be expected.
However, my friends have chosen to use them as an opening to explain
adoption to those who don’t seem to recognize families are not created or defined
by skin color alone.
In
our adoption journey, we have also experienced some strange and sometimes rude
questions from my well-meaning friends. One
person even asked, “What if you get a black kid?” I don’t remember exactly how
I answered that day, but I realized then that there is a lot of misinformation
out there about adoption in general.
Since adoption forms families through joy, love, and sacrifice, I choose
to see those questions as a gateway to help educate others who haven’t
experienced the part of adoption that is so much deeper than skin color alone.
The
other way that you can think about the color question has to do with the
culture that is often indicated by the skin color. I think that each culture in our world is
unique and deserves to be respected and celebrated. I also know that no one in the whole world
has skin tones – white, brown, black, yellow, orange, or pink - that match the
crayons in my Crayola box.
When
I was growing up, I remember being frustrated when I had to draw a
self-portrait. I couldn’t figure out
which color to use for my skin. I wasn’t
as ‘white’ as that white crayon or as ‘brown’ as the brown one. I also knew that I was definitely not in any
way the same as that ‘orange’ one! I
know that I am not the only child that had issues with finding the perfect
‘skin color’ crayon in my box of eight crayons. I remember being excited when I got a box of
twenty-four crayons because it included a ‘peach’ color that was pretty close. It is interesting to note that my ‘peach’
crayon was originally named ‘flesh’. It
was renamed by Binney-Smith, the maker of Crayola products, in 1962, during the
Civil Rights movement.
In
1992, Binney-Smith responded again to the skin tone crayon dilemma experienced
by teachers and students by creating a box of the eight Multicultural crayons. It includes the colors that most closely
resemble skin tones - apricot, black, burnt sienna, mahogany, peach, sepia,
tan, and white. Although these colors already
existed, they were only included in the larger crayon box sets. These colors also come in markers, colored
pencils, and paint. However, even this
action hasn’t been without controversy.
Accused of “redefining the rainbow” by some people, I think this was a
step in the right direction. It recognizes
and celebrates that people come in different colors.
I
am a teacher at a school where about 90% of students and teachers do not have
the same skin tone as I do. It was a
little strange to get used to because I have fair skin, blue eyes, and light
brown hair. Each day in classrooms and
hallways I see dark brown skin, dark brown eyes, and dark brown hair. It was summed up best by a new student with a
very fair complexion, green eyes, and reddish hair who moved to our school from
out of state. When she was asked how her
first days were going, she responded, “Good. (long pause) Everyone here is
pretty dark.” When she was asked if that
bothered her, the response continues to blow us away. She said, “Not really. People are people.” What a refreshing attitude spoken by a ten
year old in a new situation that didn’t quite match what she was used to
seeing.
So
does color matter in adoption? I suppose
I would like to restate that question to say ‘should color matter in
adoption’? I think that it is sad to say
that color is the only thing that some people see. It shouldn’t matter in any relationship in
life. I think it presents different
challenges and opportunities for celebration for families created through adoption,
but as that 10 year old said, “people are people.” To her, and to me as well, that is the bottom
line. People are people. We are each uniquely created and filled with
colors that have not been invented yet.
Silverstein, S. (1974). Where
the Sidewalk Ends. New York, New York: Harper-Collins Children’s Books.
Well, It's been a few months since I have had the time to write. Apparently, little ones are not very patient when there is hunger involved. Or clean pants, or naps, more teeth, or formula to make. There seem to be a never ending supply of new things to figure out for all of us. Our adoption was finalize on May 19, 2017. It was an amazing thing to share with family and friends as we heard the judge declare that we were the parents of Lillian Kay Dunham! :) It was an amazing moment of our lives. We followed it up with a party at Pat and Jerry's house to celebrate Lilly's Adoption Day. The day our family was official. 
In the following weeks, we got her birth certificate in the mail and also a social security card. It's rather amazing to think about all the days spent waiting and wondering and longing for a family were completed in that one small ceremony. About 25 minutes. We were talking pictures longer than the actual official part. 
